Winner of the Genetic Lottery — Toddler Sweatshirt

Won early, never stopped mentioning it. The confidence remains entirely unearned and has now had several years to compound.

For the kid who peaked at birth and is still coasting on it.

Soft midweight cotton-blend sweatshirt with ribbed cuffs and a tear-away label. Sizes 2T–7T, muted colors only — no pastels.